Finding Happiness
by SAL-Chan
Summary: If you finally got what you always wished for -what you wanted all your life- and then lost it, what would happen? Is there more to life the just finding happiness? Is they're anything beyond happiness? Thoughts between a Dog, a Cat, and a Rat...


**Finding Happiness**

By SAL-Chan 

*Genre: Drama/Angst 

*Rating: PG-13,

*Pairings: Yukiru /Koyru/ YukixKyo ending...a little for everyone

*Summary: If you finally got what you always wished for -what you wanted all your life- and then lost it, what would happen? Is there more to life the just finding happiness? Is they're anything beyond happiness? Thoughts between a Dog, a Cat, and a Rat...

*Note: This came out of left field. It's raining, I just finished watching FruBa again, I'm all depressed...and I should be doing school work. 

*Warnings: Not sure if it's a death fic of not. Slight OOC, and PG for 'Someone's' language. No names, not time, no reason. Each type of font is another person. THIS HAS NOT BEEN REVISED. WATCH FOR SPELLING. (Gomen about that...)This plot and original characters are mine, but not Fruba itself. Any twisted, enhanced psychotic tendency, morbid reactions, deep and well deserved brooding and/or beating ones self up that happen to appear in the story are mine and I stake fill clams with some help. Please review, and any flame will be laughed if not ignored.

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Seconds are all I need for happiness. 

It's simple really, but it's all the happiness I need. 

It's also rare that I get my happiness, so I take all of it that I passably can. The happiness is only mine, and I'm never willing to share it. I deserve a little happiness...right?

_Seconds are all I need for happiness._

_ It's not that simple to get, but for the moment it's all I need._

_ My happiness comes a swiftly as the wind blows, and is whisked away all the same. But in that one true and glorious moment I'm wrapped in happiness that makes my heart full._

**Seconds are all I need for happiness.**

** It may seem like my happiness is simple, but it's not.**

** There's more to that happiness that I want then simple, meaningless things. Though I pretend to be simple on the outside, inside I feel more complicated that anyone will ever know.**

Within theses seconds there's bliss, pride, and joy.

Though I normally would never feel that way, if I find my happiness I can find all the things I wish to have. 

Unfortunately for me - because it's still a dream- I think I'll never have my happiness.

_ Within these seconds there's bliss, peace, and contentment. _

_ Though I normally never feel that way, if I find my happiness is can dream about being someone better then myself._

_ Unfortunately for me - because it's just a illusion- I can't tell if it's my happiness._

** Within these seconds there's joy, care, and love.**

** Though I normally never feel that way, if I find my happiness I can become what I dream of becoming.**

** Unfortunately for me - because I have the ability- I don't think I'll find my happiness.**

My life before was meaningless to me. I know I'm not worth anything, but I can dream.

Yet suddenly, one day...everything changed.

There was a opportunity for a type of happiness that I never experienced before. Something so strange and so...scary. 

_ My life before was rather boring to me. I know what it's like to have a more exciting life - I've seen one._

_ Yet suddenly, one day...everything changed._

_ There was a opportunity for a type of happiness that I never dreamed I would have the chance to see. Something so pure and so...scary._

** My life before was rather dull to me. I know what it would have been like to be born someone different - I write.**

** Yet suddenly, one day...everything changed. **

** There was a opportunity for a type of happiness that was wrapped up in my fairy tails and story books. Something so real and so...scary.**

At first I didn't want to accept it, this....strange and new type of happiness. I should....I would force it all away, and live my life the way I should...alone.

_ At first I was scared of it, this...new and fragile type of happiness. I should...I should try to see if I could make this happiness work, then maybe I could change myself._

**At first I greeted it, this....pure and loving happiness. I should...I should have put a stop to it at first - I know- but I found myself tangled within the feeling. **

I tried my hardest to push it away, to ignore and hate this happiness. I knew I would never be allowed something like that, something that 'normal' people were allowed to life with or so long. I guess I understood my place without me knowing, and I tried to keep myself cold and alone.

Subconsciously - I was sitting around waiting for fate to catch up.

_ I tired my hardest to be normal, to be the same way I have always been with happiness. I knew I would never be able to live with something I liked - maybe even loved to have around. I guess I understood that if I accepted this happiness, I would be forced to see my own faults._

_ Subconsciously- I was trying to keep myself form getting hurt._

** I tired my hardest to keep everything straight and not to let the line bluer between the happiness and myself. I knew I would never be the same after we had been introduced, and I knew no one else would be the same without it as well.**

** Subconsciously - I was masking the dark secret to keep happiness pure.**

Then one day I realized something, something that scared me like nothing had before. And at first I didn't want to accept what happened to me but...

_ Then one day I realized something, something that scared me like nothing had before. And at first I wasn't sure if everything would be alright but..._

** Then one day I realized something, something that I knew about all along. And at first I was afraid of what might come of it but...**

I fell in love

_ I fell in love._

**_ And we were happy. Really happy...._**

And it scared me to death.

_ And it scared me like nothing had before_

** And it scared me not for myself, but for them.**

For my happiness was something that could break apart with a simple bracelet. If they ever found out what I really was, what happens to me, I would never be happy again...

_ For my happiness was something that I could not let affect me like it did, but I let it and I loved it. If I were ever to loose that happiness I know my heart would break and I would never be happy again..._

** For my happiness was something that could shatter with a few simple words - a single command. If anything like that were ever to be said to my-...they're happiness, the we would never be happy again...**

_** *Then they found out***_

I felt my world fall apart in a single minuet.

_ I watched everything we worked for drop to the floor._

**And worst of all was that I knew what would happen and did nothing - my orders.**

But...

_...Nothing like I thought would happen happened..._

** ...they're happiness survived, they're pure amazing and light happiness...**

_** *Then darkness came again.***_

I couldn't go, I wasn't allowed. And it hurt to know I could do anything to help...

_ I had to go, to make sure that nothing happened to what we worked so hard to build..._

** I needed to go, to protect everything I healed dear to my heart that threatened do crumble if disturbed again...**

And in the end...

_ ...surprisingly enough..._

**...we survived it, and as did they're happiness...**

Everything was fine.

_ Everything was fine..._

** Everything was...fine...for everyone who needed that happiness...but that was good enough for me.**

Sure I wanted everything I wanted before, but now...I didn't have to worry about myself, my insecurities.

_Sure I wanted everything I wanted before, but now...I didn't have to hear the lie's the polluted my head before._

**Sure I wanted everything I wanted before, but now...I could settle on my own goals and now worry about they're happiness any more...**

**_ Then...it ended_**

...

...

Just like that, everything fell apart.

_ I believe I died along side my happiness, I became a shell of what I was._

** And I knew nothing would be quite right again...**

I lost myself to fate, something I had forgotten about

_I lost myself to the lie's I had tried to ignore before._

**I lost myself in fiction, trying with all my might to get out but I just...couldn't...**

...

....

....

...

....

...

...

...

But...I-

_-will-_

** -always**

_** *Remember.***_

...

...

And nothing can change that.

_ And nothing can take that away._

**And nothing can make me forget all of it, or any of it. Nothing in the world can make me forget the shimmering glint of happiness that entered our lives and gave us hope - something we had lost so long before. Nothing in my mind could ever make me forget everything we went through to keep our happiness that ended up getting lost in the main stream of society anyway. Nothing will ever change the way we thing of the happiness we once had, and nothing will ever take the feelings we held inside for out peaceful happiness. No one came make you forget you heart, no one can control what you feel, and God damnit nothing will ever be the same...**

...

But...I lived on.

_ I kept going where my happiness stopped..._

I knew I wouldn't last long without the happiness that lit my life with something I never thought I would have...but...

_ I knew that I would never be able to hold on to a joy like that again - even if I tired...right?_

_ But...we lived..._

_._

And I can't for the life of me figure out why...

_ Why would we life without the only thing we loved?_

How could we keep going without anything to go to?

_ Was there a reason we were left here when our happiness drifted away?_

Or were we meant to live out the rest of our life's alone?

_ Could there be something...else?_

...what do you mean something else? The is nothing else!

_ Then why are we still here? Tell me that!_

I-I...I cant! We shouldn't be here! There's not reason for us to live anymore!

_ ...Then why aren't we dead?_

** ...because there's more to life then just happiness...**

What else is there?! I've lost everything...

_ ...everything's gone.._

**...not everything...you're still here-**

-What the hell does that mean?!

_ I don't understand-_

**-I know you don't...I didn't expect you to...**

W...wait! Where the hell are you going?

**Away...far away from here...**

You can just le-

_-let him be...He can't find his happiness here-_

We cant fine it anywhere. It's gone, remember?!

_...She wasn't his happiness...we were-_

-What?-

_-WE were his happiness...us, stupid, not her..._

But...but I don't understand-

_-I didn't expect you to-_

-Shut up! What does it matter now? He's gone and ant' coming back.

_ ...Good. Let him find his own happiness...and us our own..._

...

_ ..._

...Now what?

_We find our own happiness..._

...But it's gone-

_ -don't talk about it, stupid. He...he wants us to find another happiness..._

Another one!? There's only one-

_ -There's more then one! If you would think you would remember our happiness before, before her...There are other things out there..._

No kidding-

_-Shut up. _

-Like what!? What other things can be out there that are greater? What can be better then my first happiness?!...

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_ Me?_

~Owari~ 


End file.
